Washington, DC skyline, Sept. 2007.
Lately, I wrote my son an email and I have totally forgotten about it until I got his reply yesterday. I wrote it even weeks before his last visit to us here, but we probably didn't even have time to talk that much to be able to talk about that email. In fact, I think he spent most of his meals with friends outside rather than with us when he was here? He has become so busy since his college days that sometimes my husband gets frustrated that he doesn't reply to emails. Actually, he does, but he takes time. I just want to blog this particular email I sent him because I think it is important and would be meaningful, at least to me, later on in life. Of course, the other reason I want to blog this email is because he replied positively to it.
Well, actually, this is not really the whole email, just an excerpt of it:
(Dated Aug. 14, 2011)
I hope and pray you are enjoying your job and life in DC in general.
Keep your room / house clean and learn to make home-cooked healthy
meals. Take care of your health. Keeping your house clean is also good
exercise and it keeps the dust, mites and cockroaches away, making
your immediate environment healthy as well. You can never run away
from the basic skills of cooking, laundry and keeping house clean for
the rest of your life, and you will make a better person and also a
better father and husband later on in life by acquiring these basic
skills soonest. Being a good person yourself is the first step in
having a happy family life and you have very little time left to
prepare for that. Just some practical advice from your mom.
I also hope you give yourself and ____ more time to really know each
other, and to mature, before you decide on settling down. I still hope
you would wait until you are over 25 years old. Marriage is a
life-time thing, don't take it lightly. It takes at least two years in
a relationship to really get to know a person, and you also need time
to let yourself mature. When I was your age I wished I had older
people to advice me or at least talk with, concerning these things.
But I didn't. My own parents were too far away and didn't really care
to give me practical advice. I don't want you to be in the same
situation. As I have told you in the past, marriage can be a life-time
of bliss or a life-time of misery. It's either way. And God has very
strong words regarding marriage: "I hate divorce." So, don't take it
lightly. Marriage is mostly loving expressed in hard work. So, if you
are not willing to work hard, and I mean, physical hard work, it will
be very difficult to make it work. And God's command is first to the
husband: "Husbands, love your wives." And then second only to the
wife: "Wives, submit to your husbands." The initiative comes from the
husband. You have to love your wife first, then she submits, and the
more you love her, the more she submits. And the more she submits the
more you will love her. But if there is no initiation of gestures of
love, the marriage comes to a stand still and breaks down. You have to
keep that in mind. As head of the family, just as Christ is head of
the church, you have to love first and the love cycle starts and keeps
going. That's why the Bible says, "We love because He first loved us."
We can't love others without having experienced the love of God. And
just as Jesus laid down his life for the church, the husband is
supposed to lay down his life for his wife. It's a tall order. So, you
would want to make sure the woman you will lay your life down for is
really worth it. Pray for God to guide you, that you would marry the
right partner. "Laying down your life" doesn't necessarily mean
physical death, but rather, sacrificing in myriad ways for your wife,
and later on, your children. Being married and having a family, as I
said, is mostly loving, expressed in hard work. So, think before you
leap, and more importantly, prepare before you leap. Make sure you can
take the hard work part of it, too, not just the bliss. That's why I
encourage you to practice the basic life skills while you are still
single so that it's second to your nature already when you enter into
marriage. That makes the adjustment period - which makes or breaks a
marriage - so much easier.
You wonder why I'm writing you these things. Well, this could be a tad
too late but still, not as late as one or two years from now. Life is
not just about career and hobbies. Eventually, everyone has to get
real and face the crunch of marriage and family. Make use of what
little time you have left to prepare for that. Don't take the
essentials for granted. They should be second-nature to you by now,
just like brushing teeth. :)
love, mom
I hope and pray you are enjoying your job and life in DC in general.
Keep your room / house clean and learn to make home-cooked healthy
meals. Take care of your health. Keeping your house clean is also good
exercise and it keeps the dust, mites and cockroaches away, making
your immediate environment healthy as well. You can never run away
from the basic skills of cooking, laundry and keeping house clean for
the rest of your life, and you will make a better person and also a
better father and husband later on in life by acquiring these basic
skills soonest. Being a good person yourself is the first step in
having a happy family life and you have very little time left to
prepare for that. Just some practical advice from your mom.
I also hope you give yourself and ____ more time to really know each
other, and to mature, before you decide on settling down. I still hope
you would wait until you are over 25 years old. Marriage is a
life-time thing, don't take it lightly. It takes at least two years in
a relationship to really get to know a person, and you also need time
to let yourself mature. When I was your age I wished I had older
people to advice me or at least talk with, concerning these things.
But I didn't. My own parents were too far away and didn't really care
to give me practical advice. I don't want you to be in the same
situation. As I have told you in the past, marriage can be a life-time
of bliss or a life-time of misery. It's either way. And God has very
strong words regarding marriage: "I hate divorce." So, don't take it
lightly. Marriage is mostly loving expressed in hard work. So, if you
are not willing to work hard, and I mean, physical hard work, it will
be very difficult to make it work. And God's command is first to the
husband: "Husbands, love your wives." And then second only to the
wife: "Wives, submit to your husbands." The initiative comes from the
husband. You have to love your wife first, then she submits, and the
more you love her, the more she submits. And the more she submits the
more you will love her. But if there is no initiation of gestures of
love, the marriage comes to a stand still and breaks down. You have to
keep that in mind. As head of the family, just as Christ is head of
the church, you have to love first and the love cycle starts and keeps
going. That's why the Bible says, "We love because He first loved us."
We can't love others without having experienced the love of God. And
just as Jesus laid down his life for the church, the husband is
supposed to lay down his life for his wife. It's a tall order. So, you
would want to make sure the woman you will lay your life down for is
really worth it. Pray for God to guide you, that you would marry the
right partner. "Laying down your life" doesn't necessarily mean
physical death, but rather, sacrificing in myriad ways for your wife,
and later on, your children. Being married and having a family, as I
said, is mostly loving, expressed in hard work. So, think before you
leap, and more importantly, prepare before you leap. Make sure you can
take the hard work part of it, too, not just the bliss. That's why I
encourage you to practice the basic life skills while you are still
single so that it's second to your nature already when you enter into
marriage. That makes the adjustment period - which makes or breaks a
marriage - so much easier.
You wonder why I'm writing you these things. Well, this could be a tad
too late but still, not as late as one or two years from now. Life is
not just about career and hobbies. Eventually, everyone has to get
real and face the crunch of marriage and family. Make use of what
little time you have left to prepare for that. Don't take the
essentials for granted. They should be second-nature to you by now,
just like brushing teeth. :)
love, mom
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